KILL IT WITH FIRE!

My apologies to everyone on the Eastern Seaboard. At approximately 7:45 PM on May 30^th you heard a series of startled cries calling forth the whole of humanity to save the human issuing them. The cries, no doubt, stirred within you the image of what it might sound like for a child to watch in horror as a monster drags itself from under its bed. A bed its parents, only minutes before, had looked under to assure the child he or she was safe.

That was me. 

I was mowing in my back field. I had just guided my riding mower around a pine tree and in doing so I also guided my face directly into a large, thick spider web. The web, my mind had made quick note of, was occupied. 

Totally as I pictured it.

The probable reality of the situation. Sorry little spider!

The next few seconds are a blur. I know I yelled. I know my years of martial arts training kicked in because I was suddenly being struck in the face. In hindsight, I was hitting myself. In fairness, I was very certain my strikes were too late and the arachnid was already digging into my flesh to lay its hellish eggs in my nasal cavity. And I am pretty sure it had a gun. BUT! If I could save myself, then black eyes were a small price to pay. I’m typing this so I can only assume the blows worked and I saved myself a terrible fate.

I just thought you would want to know what all the yelling (flavored with a pinch of laughing) was about. 

Be seeing you,

Sam

PS. My thanks to the creators of the memes, whomever they may be.