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| If you place your ear close to the screen you can hear me swearing. A lot. |
Spending hours upon hours clearing something falling from the sky can make you wonder about strange alternate realities where storms make things spring UP from the ground. Let's hop the vibrational boundary to visit such a reality and an Earth much like our own.
We join your local nightly news program already in progress:
"This just in, town officials yet again have had their collective bacons saved by farmer Johnson’s psychic potbellied pig, Mr. Furry McTumtums. The sleuthing swine broke the case of Town Hall’s missing clock tower after spending three days in a deep meditative trance communing with several technologically enhanced non-corporeal entities, said farmer Johnson beaming proudly from behind his vegetable stand. We’ll have more for you at 11:00 as details unfold.
And now it’s time for your weather.
The National Weather Service has issued a warning for our viewing area that late winter, early spring storm Janus is expected to bring as much as two feet of plant growth during the overnight. Light sprouting is expected to begin early Monday evening and intensify overnight into early Tuesday morning. Lawn, playground, park, and golf course travel is strongly discouraged due to the potential of hard to get out grass stains, so if you have to go out remember to wear old clothes or shorts. Local hardware stores are seeing the usual shortages of lawn mowers, clippers, gas cans, and beer helmets while grocery stores are reporting runs on milk and bread despite the fact that roads, sidewalks, and power lines will be completely unaffected. The storm has already dumped unruly shrubs, poking branches, and unwanted weeds all along the East Coast. Wind gusts of up to 7 mph have been reported and found to be not really worth mentioning except as a passing side note.
Janus, while large, pales in comparison to the Tropism of ’98 where five feet of plant growth in just forty-eight-hours. Some viewers might remember the Scythe Clubs that became fashionable for a time afterwards. Members roved from community to community dressed in medieval peasant garb offering cut the walls of grass and fauna in exchange for wine and cheese.
Stay tuned for updates."
The National Weather Service has issued a warning for our viewing area that late winter, early spring storm Janus is expected to bring as much as two feet of plant growth during the overnight. Light sprouting is expected to begin early Monday evening and intensify overnight into early Tuesday morning. Lawn, playground, park, and golf course travel is strongly discouraged due to the potential of hard to get out grass stains, so if you have to go out remember to wear old clothes or shorts. Local hardware stores are seeing the usual shortages of lawn mowers, clippers, gas cans, and beer helmets while grocery stores are reporting runs on milk and bread despite the fact that roads, sidewalks, and power lines will be completely unaffected. The storm has already dumped unruly shrubs, poking branches, and unwanted weeds all along the East Coast. Wind gusts of up to 7 mph have been reported and found to be not really worth mentioning except as a passing side note.
Janus, while large, pales in comparison to the Tropism of ’98 where five feet of plant growth in just forty-eight-hours. Some viewers might remember the Scythe Clubs that became fashionable for a time afterwards. Members roved from community to community dressed in medieval peasant garb offering cut the walls of grass and fauna in exchange for wine and cheese.
Stay tuned for updates."
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