Sunday, December 11, 2016

Dear Sump Pump

Dear Sump Pump,

It has come to our attention that you have decided to neglect your duties and stop working. This is most troubling to Girdich Corp. You are an important and valued employee. You were granted a position with little oversight. You were provided with all the resources needed to complete your duties. And yet, you decided to shrug the responsibilities assigned you without warning. If you were unhappy in your position, a simple letter of resignation would have sufficed. A bit of forewarning. But no. You acted like your predecessors and abandoned your post like some drunkard. What? You were the first, you say? I am sorry to place these facts before you but you were NOT the first. I know this is unsettling to you, but if it is any perverse consolation, you and those before you have caused great consternation to Sam. Within this very hour, he was overheard muttering vulgarities of the lowest order between bouts of Divine pleading. Perhaps more troubling is the metaphysical trend you and your predecessors have of picking Sunday night to ignore your established responsibilities. Rest assured we will determine the cause of this. The sudden, short lived, and seemingly unrelated power outage Girdich Corp and the surrounding area just suffered will not deter us. We have made clear note of the fact that the first draft of this letter was lost in the aforementioned power disruption. Nice try, as Sam would say. This will be difficult and costly. Much sleep will be lost. However, Girdich Corp is committed to carrying on. We will not be undone. We will continue forward in the face of this or other unexpected twists and turns. This is our pledge. This is our promise.  

- The Management

No comments:

Post a Comment