Saturday, May 28, 2022

Your Guide To Easy Reading



-WELCOME, GENTLE READER-

And Lo! An index was born.

!NEW! posts are marked accordingly. History. Science. Fiction. Horror. Comedy. Pop Culture. Commentary. Interviews. DIY's. Lots to see here so look around and have fun. 

My Amazon Author page with three collections of my favorite short works, 
along with my science fiction novel "Saint Five" CLICK HERE 
 
I also have a YouTube channel. CLICK HERE. 

If I you laughed, learned, found something new, or just liked what you read then please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee. It is much appreciated. Thank you.
 

 
Be well! 

And so should you!


FICTION 

Awake at a Wake  - in which four people sharing a long history find themselves in a funeral parlor -   !NEW!
The Wedding Piece (Southern Gothic for Tracey and Alex)
They are at the window again  (It's a love story. With zombies.)
The Death of Joe Average  (What happens when the deathtrap works?)



CREATIVE TYPES! HELP ME FIND A HOME FOR THESE IDEAS!
-Read this first-   
A most delightful...dump. 


Potatoes are what we eat. Potatoes are what we ride


HISTORICAL

"The Second Going" by Yeets  

Maggot's Work - A poem. A story. A life.  
A Definition of the Martial Arts
Two Collections and One Novel Now Available on Kindle 
Speak Loudly, Do The Ghosts We Carry  
This Thanksgiving I am Thankful for YOU 
Goodbye, Stan. EXCELSIOR!  
The Stranglers meet the Mystery Men  
ALL FIXED! THANKS, POLITICS!   video
Dear Dear.  A trail cam vid and 150th post!      video
A Rocket, A Tesla, and Some Horse Poop Walk Into a Bar   
How Creativity Works   
'He said, She said' aka 'Coyote Argument, Mostly Chemical'   video
Something to Chew On About Zombies and the Living  
Hello Kitty and the Vermont Comic Con 
Wise Words, Parallel Worlds 
Happy Fourth of July (with a few well deserved shout-outs) 
Of Life and Gratitude (not my usual kind of post)
I Am the Terror That Croaks in The Night
Predatory Remains of the Calcium Kind
My Everyday On This Planet 
Welcome to Night Vale, the All Hail tour 2017  
Happy New Year 2017, Humanity!
We Want Your Business
STOP READING THIS BLOG 
Baby It's Cold Outside: Revisionism, Clickbait, and Bullshit. Any Questions?
Did You Hear That?



INTERVIEWS AND INTERVIEWS THAT NEVER HAPPENED

Digging for an Oak Island interview  (Attempted)
Robert Clotworthy: You Know His Voice 
The 12,500 yr old Interview. Kind of…    (Graham Hancock attempted)
So this guy on the Great Space Coaster walks up to me at a con…  
This Interview Would Have Been Bullshit   (Matt Page aka Master Ken attempted)
Here’s to hope! (Tsoukalos attempted)
Strongarm Interview 3: Dr. Steel 
Strongarm Interview #2 Smeff 
Strongarm Interview: John "Widgett" Robinson



STUFF YOU MAY FIND INTERESTING

Trying to bring Kung Fu movie sounf effects into the real world video  
Doctor Strange 2 to be MCU's first horror film. Sweet. 
Funko's Alien 40th Anniversary Breakfast Cereal
Star Trek TOS Set Tour: Set Phasers to IMPRESSIVE!
SCP-4082 "Real Heavy" (A SCP submission. REJECTED)
Farewell Steve Ditko, Harlan Ellison, and Cinamon Hadley
Cinemassacre interviews Joe Bob Briggs. A post for fellow B-movie fans.
Skyrim on Alexa: The joke that FUS RO DAH'd into reality 
How I Built My Floating Deck on Uneven Ground    video 
The Nightmare Before Christmas on Broadway?   video
Proof of Time Travel. YOU CAN RELAX NOW! 
Touch My Anchor and I'll F*#% You Up! 
Slowing It Down   video
Where is your center?  video
My Captain America Shield is done!   video
The Circle of Internet Life
Cooking With Vsauce
Geek Moms and Geek Dads  
Hail! Our new Alien rulers!  
WALL-E you look at that! 
TAKE MY MONEY. LEGO® Scooby-Doo Sets and...YOURS?!
(Not new anymore) NEW STUFF NEW STUFF NEW STUFF



IT INVOLVES ME FOR SOME ODD REASON

Awake at a Wake - in which four people sharing a long history find themselves in a funeral parlor -

 


Awake at a Wake


Jason:  You think this is what Heaven smells like?

Job:  What?

Jason:  This. All this. Jason said, pointing around the small funeral home.

Job:  No, dumbass.  This is what a telephone pole at 80 miles an hour smells like. Jesus, the shit you say.

Jason:  I’m just wondering, that’s all.

Job:  Wonder harder ‘cause I doubt anyone here is goin’ to find out.

Jason:  That ain’t a nice thing to say, Job. You don’t know that.

Job:  I know lots. That’s the problem.

Jason:  You didn’t know Jacob or them people was goin’ to die.

Job:  Nope. That I did not. I would have driven to his house and rung his neck if I did. It ain’t right. It just ain’t right.

Jason:  It ain’t. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.

Job:  sigh… Don’t apologize for being human. Apologize for something you can control.

Jason:  I can control my mouth.

Job:  I stand by my previous statement.

Jason:  Do you think he sees us? looking up All sitting here talking about him and what happened?

Job:  I hope so. I hope he hears every word and thought not fit for polite company.

Jason:  He was our friend, Job. He wasn’t perfect, like anyone. He saved your…

Job:  Shut up.

Jason:  I’m just saying maybe we should…

Job:  I know what you’re saying and shut it up. Ain’t nothing he did for me or the fucking Pope on the moon makes up for what happened.

Job looks down

Job:  You hear me, Jacob? Your soul didn’t have the bank to pay for what you did, selfish bastard. You goddamn selfish bastard!

Jason:  Keep it down. People are looking.

Job:  Are they? Are they looking? Good ‘cause I got a goddamn mirror for every one of them. I’m not playing the game, Jacob! Flowers and a box ain’t enough. Carry your own ass to the hole. I ain’t doing it.

The people looked at Job. Job looked back. They both turned away.

Job:  It ain’t right.

Jason:  Nothing ever is.

Job:  That’s a goddamn lie.

A moment disguised as silence slipped past them. Almost. Job raised his head against the weight of a shadow falling against him.

Job:  Christ’s balls, just perfect.

Mary:  There’s the man I married.

Job:  The best three weeks of your life, Mary. What are you doing here?

Mary:  Why does anyone go to a funeral, Job. As for you, I followed the looks of disappointment. Poof. There you were. Constant as the NorthStar.

Jason stands.

Jason:  It’s been a while, Mare, you look good, real good. Here, take my seat.

Mary:  Thank you, Jason. I think I will. While you’re up, be a darling and get me a glass of water? I think I saw a cooler when I first came in.

Jason:  Sure. Sure.

Off he went.

Mary:  How are you, Job?

Job:  ...Bad…Messed up…Little pieces are bouncing around in my head and I can’t tell where they belong. Forgive the honest answer.

Mary:  I’ll let it go this time.

A small piece of chuckle escapes his mouth.

Mary:  You know you’re not the only reason I came, but I will leave your side if you want.   

Job:  No, I don’t want that. Do you?

Mary:  No.

Job:  Well, we were able to make a funeral about us so I guess not all is lost, eh?

An interruption.

Jason:  I’m real sorry, Mare, but I couldn’t find ya the water. Maybe you…

Mary:  Did you ask one of the attendants? Oh, I’m sure I saw a water cooler or someone carrying a cup. Maybe in a room I passed. I know you won’t let me down, Jason.

Jason:  I’ll get you fixed up, Mare. Don’t you worry none. Just like old times, huh? Sit tight, I’ll be right back.

Job looks at her.

Mary:  He brings it out in me. Never could figure why.

Job:  Too sweet. A little goes a long way…to the point of aversion.

Mary:  What do you suppose he did to deserve us?

Job:  Must have been bad, whatever it was. Really. Bad.

Mary:  All this honesty, my dear. It’s too attractive for a place like this.

Job:  No better place for honesty, a business of the dead. sigh Very clever, Mary. I see your game. Oh yes. Still quicker than a snake to the strike. And if I don’t want to talk about it, huh? What if I don’t want to talk about it at all? You two. I’d smell conspiracy if I didn’t know better.

Mary:  True. He cares, I just know you. That’s much worse. So, I know you’ve been talking and thinking about nothing else. You’re hurt. You’re looking to bloody anyone who isn’t lying in that closed box.

Job:  Don’t tell me what I am doing!

He glances up and at those close enough to be glanced at. Then back to her. Lowly he speaks. At first…

Job:  Damn you for thinking I need this right now. I don’t need pulling apart when I am holding on with my fucking fingernails. Damn you. HE DID WHAT HE DID BECAUSE HE WANTED TO AND HE DIDN’T HAVE THE FUCKING DECENCY TO MAKE SURE HE DIED ALONE! Unintended consequences. Unintended consequences be damned. A label makes it normal like a candy wrapper, does it?  Jesus above and below, those poor people. Damn you, Jacob. You should have known better. Damn you…You were better enough to know.

She leans in wrapping her arms around him. He stares unmoving at his hands. She feels low tremors deep within the statue. Seeds of tears. Stone stepping toward flesh. She looks at him. He at her. He sighs.

Jason:  I got your water, Mare. Cold like ya like. Searched high and low until I found it in the middle, like they say. Here. Oh. Did I miss something?

She leans back into her seat. Picks just the perfect smile.

Mary:  My angel in the wastelands. Thank you.

She takes the cup, sips, and sets it down.

Mary:  There are a few others I haven’t said my condolences to yet. It was nice seeing you, Jason. She stands. It’s nice seeing you, Job.

Jason:  It is nice seeing you, Mary. Say, do you still need to eat?

Mary:  I still have the need, yes.

Job:  I’ll find you before you go.

Mary:  …Good.

She walks away.

Jason:  Be seeing ya, Mare! See? You didn’t know that was going to happen. Ain’t that something. What if you two got back together? Don’t look at me that way. I’m saying what-if, not a step more. Still. Makes you wonder how an ‘if’ that wasn’t, suddenly was. Invisible hands and invisible strings, as they say. We should eat at that Italian place on Margaret Street Jacob liked. It’d be like a, ya know, soothing balm. Us in body and Jacob in spirit. All together again and all is well with the world like nothing happened.

Job plucks each word from the air placing them on a scale. It tips.

Job:  Jason my old friend, next time you cross the street? Don’t bother to look.

An End