Sunday, April 7, 2019

Funko's Alien 40th Anniversary Breakfast Cereal

May 25th, 1979 taught the world in splashes of vivid red the value of a nutritional meal to fuel your mind and body in case you have to RUN FOR YOUR FU$#@NG LIFE. "Alien" premiered to soiled theater seats around the country (and eventually the world) opening a new vista of sci-fi horror that remains wide open today.

But you know this. That's why you're here, right? You know about the films and books and comics, right? But do you know about the cereal? WELL DO YOU?

Let's start with the obvious question: Does it taste like a Xenomorph? Interesting question. No, it does not. It lacks the acrid taste you would expect when biting into a creature with molecular acid for blood. Instead, it reminds one of a less sugary Fruit Loop. It mellows a bit more in milk while retaining its crunch for a reasonable time period. Taste wise, I give it a solid 6.5 - 7 out of 10.

There's a maze on the back of the box. Or is it? Perhaps the back of the box is a metaphorical journey where we the consumer can experience life as a consumer of a different kind. Perhaps it is an allusion to the painful existential journey a facehugger must face knowing death is its only reward for exiting the egg? Its next phase of existence starts at the TOP of the egg when it opens, yet the phase FINISHES when the hugger plants an embryo, a smaller egg, into the center of another life form. They burn facehuggers, don't they? Yes. Yes, they do. 

With all the horror of a H.R. Geiger design, here's how much cereal you get for $14.99 plus tax.

$14.99 + tax, ladies and gentlemen
Potato chip makers around the world are applauding this air-to-product ratio. I know I'm paying overwhelmingly for the packaging and the little figure. (Seen here.)

But still $14.99? FYE's website sells this exclusive for $9.99 making it a more cost effective avenue than their brick-n-mortar footprints. The cereal tastes just fine, but you would spend beaucoup dollars making this a regular part of your nutritious breakfast. Definitely an obvious impulse item or gift buy. 

Worth buying? Yes. 

Worth eating? Yes.

Thanks for spending time here today, gentle reader.

Be seeing you,


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