They are at the window again (A horror filled Love Story for my wife. )

Readers of the blog will recall my recent piece Consumed by Zombies in which I posited that zombies are our current personification of stress. Given the last few weeks in my life this new piece has ZOMBIES! Do I need to explain the implication? No? Good.

Thankfully my mind has been fighting these dark times by feeding me scenes from some of my favorite British television shows like Are You Being Served, The Young Ones, Keeping Up Appearances, Black Adder, and Ab Fab. And thus, fiction is born.

Enjoy this brief, but far from shallow, Friday dip into the humour pool dedicated to my wife, Katherine. We join Lionel and his wife Dianna during a zombie apocalypse already in progress…

 

They’re at the window again, Dianna.

Who?

The Girl Scouts. Biscuit season again.

Those are zombies, dear.

What?

Zombies. The undead. Walkers. Flesh Eaters. The recently deceased risen to feast upon the flesh of the living.

I thought they were Girl Scouts.

Girls Scouts are shorter.

Oh. I can see that now you put it that way. What do you think they want?

Us, I imagine.

For the feasting bit?

‘fraid so.

See? I do listen to you no matter what that shrink says... Oh dear.

What?

Is that your shrink right there? The one behind the one pressing up against the window?

Oh, you're right! I liked him, too. Have to find a new one, I suppose. Look! Across the street! A zombie is sneaking up on Mrs. Bouquet. Should we help?

Who? The zombie?

No, Lionel, Mrs. Bouquet. Oh, dear. Too late. How dreadful! Torn limb from limb, poor thing.

Aye. That zombie never stood a chance.

Yes, well it should have noticed the pile of bodies she’s collected by curb. Biggest on the block, of course. We’ll never hear the end of it. Oh no, she sees me. She pointing to her kill pile. Yes, I see them all. Very nice. Well done, dear.

Is Mr. Bouquet anywhere in sight?

No.

With any luck the poor chap slipped her grip long enough to run into the embrace of the first biter he saw.

You’re horrible. Right, but horrible.

Lionel sighed

Seems to me we didn’t have such things as zombies when we were growing up. An alien invasion from Venus, perhaps, maybe a mad scientist or two with a giant robot robbing banks, or a giant radioactive spider, but zombies eating people? Doesn’t seem right. The world’s changed so much. I’m starting to feel old, Dianna.

It does seem that way. But how different is it really to be eaten by a zombie or disintegrated by a Venusian Death Ray? You’re dead either way. Different road, but same destination. The world may change its tune, but it still marches to the same beat. So, as the old drunk said, we must never, never quit.

I can see that now you put it that way. My voice of reason, ever with me through aliens, arachnids, or all other manner of awful apocalypse. I love you, my dear.

And I you, my pet.

 

                                                                        THE END

Local necropolis, er, cemetery.

Spent some time today with my son exploring a local corpse depository in Saratoga Springs. It was pretty hot out so we explored only a small bit of the place before heading out for life saving water. A work crew was onsite effecting repairs on older headstones. That was nice to see. 

for it…

“GET IN THERE AND BRING DADDY BACK A SKULL!”

The roof was falling off, as best as we could tell. Of course, that’s what THEY want you to think. Yes, that’s a mobile home park in the background. Does it take away from, or add to the atmosphere. Discuss amongst yourselves…

Part of our walk amongst the dead is a lesson in symbols and history. This social fellow was a Freemason and a member of the Independent Order of Odd Fellows.

Here’s another example of the IOOF symbol. The f,l, and t stand for Friendship, Love, and Trust. And now you know why they are sometimes called the Three Link fraternity. Or Bronies. Either one.

Darn sneaky zombies. Taking off their shoes and all.

More Freemason symbolism. I am a member, full disclosure. History buff that I am, I could not resist. So, anytime that super-secret money and power wants to start rolling in would be great. Anytime now...I have bills to pay…anytime…

This stone is more than a stone. It lays over the body of a man who owned the local newspaper from 1900 to 1933. Fittingly it is a letterpress of same paper, The Saratogian.

This mausoleum, in my opinion, is one of the highlights of Greenridge Cemetery.

Through the grate above the entrance.

A closer view.

The stain glass window on the back (eastward facing) side of the structure. I will attempt to get more info on my next excursion in.

Cemeteries are history lessons hiding in the open. Each headstone stands above a largely untold human life. Imagine all the experiences, stories, loves, misery, happiness, wins, tragedies, sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll, or plain human silliness lurking beneath the soil in the form of an empty assemblage of calcium. You and I will join them someday. Can’t avoid that personal apocalypse. At least we can enjoy the time we have while trying to leaving a mark on the world beyond a mere hunk of rock.

TAKE MY MONEY. LEGO® Scooby-Doo Sets and...YOURS?!

Really enjoying how LEGO is expanding its line of licensed sets. LEGO has talented designers who obviously enjoy their work.

Think you can design a LEGO set? LEGO's Ideas program gives you the chance to submit your original designs which could become a mass produced set.

According to their website:

"About LEGO Ideas

If you are over 13 years old then LEGO Ideas is where you can find thousands of fun LEGO ideas that could become real LEGO products in the future. They have been designed by LEGO fans from all
over the world and include lots of amazing models like vehicles, futuristic space stations and well-known scenes from famous movies.

Flip through all the awesome models,and if you are 13 years old (and over) you can vote for your favorite ones. If an idea gets 10,000 votes within a certain amount of time, it will be judged by a LEGO review
panel and could become a real product that you will find in your local LEGO store.


There are already lots great ideas that have become LEGO Ideas products, so why not help us find the next one!"


How cool is that. Here's the link:

http://www.lego.com/en-us/ideasproducts/explore/about-lego-ideas.

Get building!

Running With Wolves

RUNNING WITH WOLVES, a new poster in the works from Strongarm Labs! Artwork and format is still being worked out. The characters are The Beast and Smith. The Beast is a large werewolf with a saw blade smile. Smith is a mid-level corporate manager. A large, thick door separates them.

The Beast: Come out, Smith. You’re overreacting.
Smith: YOU’RE TRYING TO EAT ME!
The Beast: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Killing comes first and then we’ll see what happens. Don’t let’s jump to conclusions.
Smith: Oh no, WE wouldn’t want that.
The Beast: Look at the situation objectively, said the beast. What options do you have? You’re prolonging the inevitable out of a purely emotional response. This is a classic ‘Smith flying off the handle’.
Smith recognized the phrase from his last performance review.

Smith: Really?! REALLY?!
The thick door shook for a moment as its latch made the first click of movement before stopping.

The Beast: See? That’s what I mean. Not that I don’t want you to come out.
Smith: Shut up!
The Beast: Watch your tone, Smith.
Smith: Or what? You’ll contact HR? Give me a verbal warning? 
The Beast: Fair enough, the beast agreed. Now, let me in.
Smith: NO! Go kill someone else in our department!
The Beast: Can’t do that, Smith. The board voted on this.
Silence…
The Beast: Smith? I can hear the pulse in your neck. Smell the lactic acid in your muscles. I know you’re still there.
Smith: Why me?
The Beast: The economy is changing. Cuts have to be made. We need team players who will toe the line. You’re too much of a lone wolf. Oh, dear. I inadvertently made a small joke.
The latch moved its full distance. Slowly the door opened. Smith stood stoic and unflinching in the presence of the beast.

Smith: What did the rest of my review say?
The beast considered Smith’s last request for a moment.

The Beast: It is against company policy to fully disclose performance evaluations to employees but I’ll tell you. Given different circumstances it was arguably positive. You pay attention to details others miss, you think outside the box, and you tend to be prepared.
Smith: Thank you. You took me by surprise earlier. I just needed a second to collect myself.
Smith smiled.

The beast smiled back. Smith was finally being logical. Smith suddenly raised his fist to the beast’s face. He was holding something. It was small and looked metallic. Without warning it released a loud BANG! The beast’s last thought before the silver bullet exited the back of his skull was that he should have seen this coming.
Smith had.