What if Storms Fell Up? A stormy forecast on another Earth

Snow and Swearing...snow and swearing...

Spending hours and hours clearing something (snow) falling from the sky can make you wonder about strange alternate realities where storms make things spring UP from the ground. Let's hop the vibrational boundary to visit such a reality and an Earth much like our own. We join your local nightly news already in progress:

"This just in, town officials have yet again had their bacon saved by farmer Johnson’s psychic potbellied pig, Mr. Furry McTumtums. The sleuthing swine broke the case of Town Hall’s missing clock tower after spending three days in a deep meditative trance communing with several technologically enhanced non-corporeal entities, said farmer Johnson beaming proudly from behind his vegetable stand. We’ll have more for you at 11:00 as details unfold.

And now it’s time for your weather.

The National Weather Service has issued a warning for our viewing area that late winter, early spring storm Janus is expected to bring as much as two feet of plant growth during the overnight. Light sprouting is expected to begin early Monday evening and intensify overnight into early Tuesday morning. Lawn, playground, and golf course travel is strongly discouraged due to the potential of hard to get out stains, so if you have to go out remember to wear old clothes or perhaps shorts. Local hardware stores are seeing the usual shortages of lawn mowers, clippers, gas cans, and beer helmets while grocery stores are reporting runs on milk and bread despite the fact that roads, sidewalks, and power lines will be completely unaffected. The storm has already dumped unruly shrubs, poking branches, and unwanted weeds all along the East Coast. Wind gusts of up to 7 mph have been reported and found to be not really worth mentioning except as a passing side note. Janus, while large, pales in comparison to the Tropism of ’98 where five feet of plant growth in just forty-eight-hours. Some viewers might remember the Scythe Clubs that became fashionable for a time afterwards. Dressing in medieval period clothing, members roved from community to community offering cut the walls of grass in exchange for wine and cheese.

Stay tuned for updates."

Happy New Year 2017, Humanity!

Your author. Hard at work unraveling the mysteries of Time Space, Pre-Flood human civilization, ancient human technologies, and Mariah Carey's New Year's Eve performance.

To those of us using the Gregorian Calendar, 2016 recently passed away quietly in its sleep while 2017 was born in a small room down the hall. And from the sounds of it, 2017 has a healthy set of lungs. God help us all.

Where I live in Upstate New York (damn right you capitalize that) it also means winter is done running warm-up laps and is starting to hit its stride for a long run. Many of my fellow Upstaters love this time of year. The waking cries of snowmobiles are carried on crisp air. Handlers examine, spray, tighten, and adjust sleepy motors to coax their memories of joyous sprints across untouched snow. The gods stare in awe as their lightning is pushed it into constructs of metal and dripping hoses blasting cloudless snow onto mountain sides by us fleeting mortals.

I am not a member of that venerated fraternity.

I look forward to the ebbing cold and the stretching daylight. The yawns of Spring and the exhausted, failing breath of Winter call to me. The straining seed and green blade speak my name. Come March, my riding lawn mower paces restlessly in the shed eager for the sharpening of its blades and the running charge against weeds. Pale skin, cadaverous in pallor, longs for the burning kiss of Sol.

Translation: Happy New Year everyone! To all my readers in the USA and around the World, I wish you a pleasantly uneventful 2017. May peace and health and prosperity fall upon you in great abundance.

Be seeing you,
Sam

p.s. 76 days until spring in the Northern Hemisphere!