Articles, observations, and fictions by Sam Girdich: history & philosophy buff, pop culture fan, aging martial artist, husband/parent, and proud owner of a pleasantly odd mind. Co-creator of the graphic arts project Strongarm Labs with illustrator and storyteller Mark Gonyea.
Monday, May 30, 2016
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
My apologies to everyone on the Eastern Seaboard. At approximately
7:45 PM on May 30th you heard a series of startled cries calling forth
the whole of humanity to save the human issuing them. The cries, no doubt, stirred
within you the image of what it might sound like for a child to watch in horror
as a monster drags itself from under its bed. A bed its parents, only minutes
before, had looked under to assure the child he or she was safe.
That was me.
I was mowing in my back field. I had just guided my riding
mower around a pine tree and in doing so I also guided my face directly into a large,
thick spider web. The web, my mind had made quick note of, was occupied.
Totally as I pictured it.
The probable reality of the situation. Sorry little spider!
The next few seconds are a blur. I know I yelled. I know my
years of martial arts training kicked in because I was suddenly being struck in
the face.In hindsight, I was hitting
myself. In fairness, I was very certain my strikes were too late and the arachnid
was already digging into my flesh to lay its hellish eggs in my nasal cavity. And
I am pretty sure it had a gun. BUT! If I could save myself, then black eyes
were a small price to pay. I’m typing this so I can only assume the blows
worked and I saved myself a terrible fate.
I just thought you would want to know what all the yelling (flavored
with a pinch of laughing) was about.
Be seeing you,
PS. My thanks to the creators of the memes, whomever they may be.