Upstate Gold - An Upstate New York spin on a Californian one-hit wonder

- A tip of the hat, a nod and a wink to Upstate New York. Some (hopefully) amusing few minutes for your day. Enjoy. -

The idea popped into my head and refused to leave. Build a version of John Stewart's 1979 hit "Gold" around a patently better geographical area: Upstate New York. I'm not saying it was a GOOD idea, but it was FUN idea. "Upstate Gold". Listen to the original (convenient YouTube link below, you are very welcome) while reading my lyrics. You'll get the idea. I hope you have some fun with it, too. Three helpful points and one confession before we begin. One. In case you were unaware, a parlor is the dedicated area on a dairy farm where milking happens. Two. WIRY (pronounced wiry) is radio station in Plattsburgh, NY which has been on the air since January 30th, 1950. Three. Stewart's is a very popular regional chain of gas station/convenience stores. Confession. My wife is an Adirondack girl, so I may be a tad biased.

 

Upstate Gold

by Sam Girdich

When the lights go down in an Upstate New York town

People aren’t in for the evening

They jump into their car and use Stewart’s as their bar

Hot Michigans there for the eatin’

Drivin' down the Northway, eleven months of snow

The people up there know their history is gold 

 

Ah, my buddy Tom Pows he’s a-workin’ milkin’ cows

As his herd heads in to a parlor

He’s got rhythm in his hands as he's wiping down the cans

Sings to WIRY in the shower

Drivin' down the Northway, eleven months of snow

The people up there know their history is gold 

 

Ah, Adirondack girls are the greatest in the world

Each night a dream in the waiting

Singin' life to me I get high on melody

Each heart a home in the makin’

Drivin' down the Northway, eleven months of snow

The people up there know their history is gold

 

Drivin' down the Northway, eleven months of snow

The people up there know their history is gold 

 

When the lights go down in an Upstate NY town

People aren’t in for the evening

They jump into their car and use Stewart’s as their bar

Hot Michigans there for the eatin’

Drivin' down the Northway, eleven months of snow

The people up there know their history is gold 

 

Drivin' down the Northway, eleven months of snow

people up there know their history is gold

people up there know their history is gold

people up there know their history is gold

(Ooh, yeah)

people up there know their history is gold, is gold

people up there know their history is gold, is gold

people up there know their history is gold, is gold

(Gotta sing)

people up there know their history is gold, is gold

(Tappin' dem maple trees)

people up there know their history is gold, is gold

(shovelin’ out the front door)

people up there know their history is gold, is gold

 

 

John Stewart's "Gold" as found on YouTube. Lots of uploads to pick from there.

 

 

Be well!

Sam

 

 

ALL FIXED! THANKS, POLITICS! (video)

In which I don my jester's hat in the hopes that humor will cure part of the raging frustration headache I get when surfing the news. Perhaps you can relate?

The above picture is one of several anthropomorphic paintings or prints that hung in a nearby antique store. I have no idea if they are there today. Here a couple others.

Marmaduke: circa 1580.

Stay thirsty, my friends.

Be seeing you,

Sam

The Grendel Who Stole Christmas

Hrothgar's men are going to get it tonight!

Four years after originally posting this idea on our FaceBook page I stand by it with great vigor. In fact, I think the point is made all the stronger with this dramatic re-enactment of the Beowulf/Grendel conflict as told through the eyes of 1970's American television. Adding to this salient observation may become a Holiday tradition.

Here the original post with a bit of the completely original poem sprinkled on the end:

Watched The Grinch Who Stole Christmas tonight. Twice. It dawned on me there are parallels between The Grinch and Beowulf. Stay with me here, but in both stories there is a creature is an outsider both drawn to, and angered by, noisy celebration. Both exact vengeance upon the source of offense. Both live in a dark, dank place. Both have unusual physical characteristics and exhibit superhuman strength. The endings could not be further apart, true, but there is some definite similarities in the beginning. So what I'm saying is: Beowulf totally ripped off Dr. Seuss. 

"There came unhidden tidings true to the tribes of Who, in sorrowful songs, how ceaselessly Grendel harassed Whoville, what hate he bore them…"

Happy Holidays everyone!

-Sam

Did You Hear That?

A fun little thing for no other reason than it made me laugh. I poke fun and pay homage to my favorite genre of television programing to blow off steam after a very stressful few weeks. If you watch the same shows I do, the format should be quite familiar.

Take care and be safe.

-Sam

Sam's Presidential Campaign Updates

(Official White House photo from whitehouse.gov. Peter Souza photographer)

 
It has come to my attention that not everyone following my first attempt as a write-in candidate for President of The United States are on the same social media sites I use.

This is obviously the work of a "rigged system" or "vast right wing conspiracy".

Therefore, I am uploading my video updates to my YouTube channel under the aptly entitled playlist 2016 Presidential Bid.

Here's the link  >>>>>>>>>> 2016 Presidential Bid

Let's get the ball rolling...

Thank you, Everyone, for your continued support! THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY I CAN LOSE!

I am Very Offended that I could not come up with a better title for this blog.

 

“Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity.”

-Incorrectly attributed to Albert Einstein. He never said it.

“Only two things are infinite - the universe and the human capacity to find new ways to take offense.”

-Me.

Not sure how the world will become a better place by piling words and ideas on the altar of THAT WHICH MUST NEVER BE MENTIONED. Never worked that great in the past. I might be wrong but I see anger more than anything else growing from these latest iterations of an artificial womb, like Safe Spaces (love that term), because they fail to address the underlining stresses or problems. People in these bubbles[i] know they are temporary, at best, and that an entire world lurks outside in the shadows whispering concepts and notions frightfully different from their own. This makes many scared or mad, two emotions a famous philosopher warned us about a long time ago.

The solution is spreading their bubble further and further to block/condemning yet more words and ideas (Law of Unintended Consequences anyone?) until it inevitably brushes against someone else’s bubble. We then have COMBAT BY DISCOMFORT with the victor being determined by greatest level of offence. All the while real problems like, oh, hunger, disease, and child abuse are left almost untouched by critical thought or analysis, and therefore bereft of real action or solution. They continue to run amok.

For example, college campuses (in theory) are places of intellectual diversity and exploration built to birth and nurture new ideas and concepts. A type of abstract battleground of words, if you will, designed to strengthen the student’s mind. Instead we find comedians (the people whose job it is to make people laugh) shunning campuses due to the rising waters of political correctness[ii]. A chill wind of sameness is winding its way into classroom and boardroom. I can’t help but wonder what pioneers of free thought and speech like Lenny Bruce or George Carlin, whatever their faults, would make of this. And thought comes first, don’t forget. Thought precedes speech and action, which is why I elected to mention colleges. Think about that, won’t you.

Stick and stone will break my bones, but names will never hurt me. Yes and No. I dare say we’ve all had our feelings crushed by the words of another at some time. We’ve all been called horrible names, been lied to and about, had our hearts broken, had jerk bosses, so on and so forth. These are unfortunately some of the typical results of humans existing. My life has been no different. I have emotional scars from words. The challenge is to not take our individual grievances and elevate them to the same level of importance as society. It is not society’s job to protect me from hurt feelings. It is, however, my job to become a fully developed human being secure in my self-worth DESPITE the best efforts of the large number of human sphincters walking about the planet. How about we accept the fact assholes (not to be confused with truly evil, hateful Bastards) roam the planet and always will. How about instead of running from uncomfortable ideas we instead stand our ground. A bit more BRING IT!, philosophically speaking.

Just a thought.

Sorry if it offends you…

---

[i] To clarify, I am not singling out one group or political ideology. I see intellectual isolationism in MANY schools of thought and worldviews. No group is immune from it, and no group is 100% free from it because all groups are made from people, kind of like Soylent Green.

[ii] https://www.thewrap.com/comedians-avoiding-campus-when-did-universities-lose-their-sense-of-humor/

All memes found via Google image search. No copyrights claimed.

The Terror in the Woods at Night next to a Lake.

A flow of consciousness ode to horror clichés, unnecessary plot twists, 

and all the Elder Gods and inhuman evils $2.41 plus shipping can buy. 

It was a dark and stormy night except for the pallid full moon shining over the long-closed camp nestled against a beautiful remote lake well known for its highly sought parcels of real-estate. The group of thirteen teens, a mix of strangers and lifelong friends whose backgrounds were, unbeknownst to them, all intertwined, made their way to a secluded sight they learned of from the whispered tales past down from their parents and the help of Google Maps.

They had gathered for a séance to communicate with the spirit of a small child who tragically died after not waiting an hour to go into the water after eating pop rocks and drinking soda. Some say it was murder. Some in the group heard it was the spirit of a local woman falsely accused of witchcraft after successfully cursing a Native American shaman for not keeping his promise to free the spirit of her missing child from the blood demons who dwelt in the hills surrounding the lake. The witch, you see, wants her child back so badly she even today seeks out and steals unsuspecting children regardless if they look nothing like the lost child or not. Or so the legend implies if you read between the lines.

The teens set up their unholy alter following the instructions carefully spelled out in the most evil of all evil books: The Necronomicon. One teen, a pretty and smart girl who was not well liked, had stumbled across the cursed book by accident while searching for songs on Amazon. It cost just enough to get free shipping after she selected the cheapest used paperback she could find from the fourteen different vendors. With this forbidden text whose pages are filed with dripping horrors and forbidden knowledge humanity was not meant to know, the group began their forbidden Black Mass rite after two teens took their nighttime ADHD meds and the rest texted their parents and/or love interests, checked Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and shared links to a new Fail video compilation on YouTube.

They were ready.

They lit their candles, removed their clothes -except for the guys- and called out to the spirits to answer who or what killed the little boy. Wind suddenly blew through the area terrifying the group who wasn't used to how air moves in the mountains. A cry pierced the night! A wail pulled from a pit of suffering in the darkest of blackness (which is called the umbra) Hell could offer. Contact was made! But suddenly (again) one of the teens cried out that they were a descendant of a sibling of a cousin of the little boy here for revenge! Blood demanded blood, she cried! Suddenly (again) another teen called out that they were the descendant of the witch who had remarried a few years later. They too were here for revenge! For blood! Then another! Then another! They all stood in a stupor confused by the thirteen unexpected twists that completely derailed their own carefully planned vengeance.

The girls replaced their clothes in a daze wondering what went wrong and why they had taken their clothes off in the first place. The boys wondered what went wrong causing the girls to put back on their clothes. All thirteen agreed it was getting late and trying to map out why they all sought revenge and against who and why really wasn’t worth it. It was getting late and they were all getting bored. Gathering their candles they said they would totally accept Friend Requests knowing they would not. It was time to go home. Time to leave this haunted place by an otherwise nice lake that saw lots of teens do things like this every summer when they had nothing better to do, or a just day off from the jobs their parents told them they needed.

But…

Hundreds of miles away an old man sat at a table. He was uneasy. Troubled. It felt like his past was kicking up dust obscuring his vision, but the moment quickly passed. It happened every now and again. Summers mostly. All things considered it wasn’t a terrible feeling. It gave him a reason to think and reminisce. Once upon a time he was a lonely, sad little boy with a mean witch of a mother. Then one the summer he decided to fake his own death and run away to join the circus. Life was pretty good after that.

The End.

My Side Good, Your Side Bad (a sticker for all political occasions)

(2020 update. I'm pleased to announce our political servants have outlawed tribalism. Guess I can finally delete this. YAY!)

 

The political landscape does not grow civility, discourse, originality, or moderation. I know you know this. So, we distilled the essence of politics (as well as most online political exchanges) into six words so you can have fun poking fun at the whole mess. Put it on your vehicle or wall and watch people wonder if you are referring to them. Good times!

Simply click on either image of the sticker and you’ll be whisked away to the magical land of our new Teespring store we're toying with. 

Kickstarter project is GO!

 

We have an awesome Kickstarter project launched and I swallowed a bug and here’s the link below to see for yourself…

KICKSTARTER! HUZZAH!